Focus on the motives.
The first thing to do when preparing for a crucial conversation is to reset your motives. What do I really want? I find it helpful to answer it at four levels: What do I really want for me? For the other person?
A sense of focus, determination, and calm came as I connected with my real desires.
Get your emotions right.
Unhelpful emotions are another second barrier to a productive conversation. We often come in angry, scared, hurt, or defensive. Surprisingly, our emotions have less to do with what the other person is doing.
A villain story helps us justify any negative action we take toward the other by attributing evil or malicious motives to them. We make the other person out to be deserving of suffering.
Turn yourself from a victim to an actor. Turn the other person from a villain to a human. felt a sense of respect and resolve rather than detachment and indignation.
Gather the facts.
By definition, we enter a crucial conversation with opposing views. Often, the conversation degenerates into contesting conclusions rather than shared information.
Don’t start a crucial conversation by sharing your conclusion.
The most important attitude to bring to a crucial conversation is a blend of confidence and curiosity.
Many people resist curiosity because they think it weakens them. In fact, it does the opposite. It makes you more persuasive.
Source: HBR 22/01/2019